Feedback Thoughts

While thinking about my responses to feedback throughout the years, I realized that even though I have completed all compulsory education and am halfway through a Bachelor's degree, feedback has hardly been a part of my education. Feedback, especially criticism, is scary, and most of my teachers must have thought it too scary for us students to deal with. I have had very few instances of being required to give feedback to my peers, and many of my teachers did not give me critical feedback. Thinking back, the classes in which I received the most helpful feedback were English classes. I can think of two high school teachers in particular who gave what seemed like harsh feedback at the time. These same two teachers are the ones I regularly think of as having changed me as a student and writer. Outside of school, I depended on my piano teacher to give me feedback about my playing. It was the most satisfying feeling to notice where I could grow musically and practice until I made the piece sound just like I wanted it to. I trusted my teacher deeply and valued the feedback I received from her. And yet I'm still afraid of being criticized and criticizing others! 

I was surprised and humbled to read in "Overcoming the Fear of Feedback" that, according to studies, those of us who think we are protecting others by not giving them constructive criticism are often just protecting ourselves. If we know that the feedback will help others in the long run, and if we know our own self-worth and do not need to be validated or liked, then we shouldn't hesitate to constructively criticize others. Our fear of giving feedback doesn't stem from hurting the other person, but from the fear that they might not like us if we say something negative about them. Knowing this will help me to give better feedback to others, because I won't be able to hide behind the excuse that I don't want to criticize because it might hurt their feelings. This article also talks about feedback in relation to the growth mindset. I discussed in my blog article about growth mindset that I see some characteristics of the fixed mindset in myself. One of these characteristics is embarrassment due to failure. This also applies to receiving feedback: I tend to be embarrassed when I receive criticism, because my fixed mindset is telling me that the feedback is personal. Feedback is not personal, and I know that feedback about stories I write for this class has nothing to do with the core of my person. Knowing about fixed mindset and growth mindset has helped me in the first couple weeks of school to diagnose my negative thoughts and behavior and improve them. Growth mindset is a good tool to have as I start practicing giving and receiving feedback.

I also read "Why Rejection Hurts and What to Do About It", in which Guy Winch states that rejection is impersonal and has nothing to do with our self-worth. Winch says that we tend to beat ourselves up when we are rejected, whether it's a romantic, social, or professional rejection, and that we make the rejection about ourselves on the deepest level rather than about a circumstance or a mistake. I touched on this idea in the last paragraph when I talked about how a fixed mindset can make us believe that our failures are very personal. It is so helpful and freeing to know that we can do things wrong without letting them define us. 

"Because I feel safe, I can learn from my mistakes."

When our self-worth and value feel safe, we can embrace feedback and learn!

Source: Growth Mindset Resources.